When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
