i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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