question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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