I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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