Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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