Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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