Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
