You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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