They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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