Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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