turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So apparently I’m into choking now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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