well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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