nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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