I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
