he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
