C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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