I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
