A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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