Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize