i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
