if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize