Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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