No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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