Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
