So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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