you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
