I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
