she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
