I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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