I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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