My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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