Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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