so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
