I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
