What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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