i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
