Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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