I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
