im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize