If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
