I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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