I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
