i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
