Where is the hickey?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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