Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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