i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
