What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
