On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
