I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
