Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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