I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
