i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
