i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
