wat bout pragnant strippers??
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
