You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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