i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
