It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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