I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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