He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
