Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
