3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...