Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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