You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
