I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
