Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
