can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
