Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
