What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
