I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
