Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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