Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
