Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
