I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
