Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
