i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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