can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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