I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
